I walked into the chapel with a frown on my face. I’m not sure I’m up for this, I thought. Sitting through an hour plus of Sacrament Meeting
with 5 kids and then wrangling other people’s kids in nursery for 2 more hours
seemed like more than I could handle. Especially after the morning I’d had.
Yet, here I was, walking into the chapel, practically asking for it.
I unloaded my bag and children onto the pew and listened to the
prelude music. Now
that’s a cushy calling, I thought, if I had someone to
sit with my kids. I
wouldn’t mind that calling. I noticed a friend walk in with
her four very young children. She serves in the sunbeams. I’m sure she feels the same way I do, I guess. And
that sister over there, I tell myself, is going through some pretty intense trials
right now. I wouldn’t trade my calling for what she’s going through. Just then my good friend who is Young Women’s President walked
down the aisle. There’s
no way I would trade for her calling, I
thought. Come to think of it, I continued my private dialog in my head, I’m not sure there is a calling I would trade
for. If all the callings were laid out in front of me today, I’m not sure I
would pick any of them. I’m pretty much just tired of serving. How about no
callings? I cheered to myself. I shook my
head, feeling mildly sacrilegious and guilty for my train of thought as the
prelude music came to a close.
The 1st counselor in the bishopric stood to begin the meeting. “I’m
Brother Finken. Bishop Brown is presiding at this meeting.” My eyes filled with
tears. This is just too much.
This burden is just too heavy. My husband presides over this meeting. He
presides over this ward. And it’s been a long time and I’m tired of it. I’m
tired of it all. Can’t we just take a break? Why are we doing this? Why do we
stretch ourselves so thin sometimes in church callings? What’s the purpose of
all these callings? Why not come for the sacrament and leave? Isn’t that the
main point? Why all the extra work?
Lost in my doubtful thoughts, I was startled when the organist
began playing the introduction to the sacrament hymn. I mechanically pulled the
hymnbook from the back of the pew in front of me, although I didn’t feel like
singing. “Oh how lovely was the morning.
Radiant beamed the sun above.” But I knew these words. I didn’t need to
open the book. “Humbly kneeling, sweet
appealing- T’was the boy’s first uttered prayer-” Had I uttered a prayer this morning? I wondered. Could
my doubts and discouragement be considered a prayer? Did Heavenly Father hear
me, today, in this chapel? “Suddenly a light descended, brighter far than noon day sun.” I was
suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. Though offered with intention or not, God
had heard me and answered my prayer. He responded in full Spirit to my
faltering faith and determination. He did hear me in the middle of this chapel,
lost in the middle of my doubt.
“Joseph, this is my Beloved. Hear
Him!” Oh, how sweet the word.” My
doubt dissipated like ash into the night sky, leaving only the burning embers
of faith. This is why we serve. Because God hears and answers prayers. We have
living prophets on the earth and Joseph was the first of this dispensation. He
restored the true and full gospel to the earth. This is why we serve, and I
knew it with my whole heart. I serve because He asks me to. Because I love Him.
Because it’s true. The Bible, the Book of Mormon, the First Vision, the
Priesthood, the Harvest Hills 2nd Ward. It’s all true and it all matters. It matters so much that
it moves me to action and service in the church, even when it’s hard –
especially when it’s hard.
“Oh, what rapture filled his bosom,
for he saw the living God.”
